Love, Life and Death

Yesterday we did something that I hope no one has to do. We attended the funeral of a 19 y.o. friend of our son's. Worst of all, this young, handsome, intelligent guy took his own life. It is gut-wrenching, and unexplainable.

I am a person that has been faced with death a lot in my life and I've learned to deal with death fairly well. In HS, I lost all 3 grandparents (I only had 3) in just over 1 year. My father died in a car accident when I was 26. I lost our first pregnancy to a miscarriage. I have been a nurse for 30 years this year. The first death I ever saw was when I was a nurse aid during college, when I was 19. I was a Hospice Nurse in the early 90s. I've dealt with death a lot.

Yesterday was hard. Not just because it was the death of a young man, not just because of the cause of his death, not because I had to hug a mother who just lost her son, but also because my own son was hurting.

Any parent knows they would do anything so their child does not have to hurt. But we cannot take the hurt out of our children's lives. However; pain, problems, trouble, hurt is what makes us grow and mature and find what is important in life.

I think of God and that HE has to watch us make mistakes and go through tremendous hurts in life, knowing that we are growing and learning and hopefully getting close to HIM,

As I have to watch my children grow and hurt, I pray that they are learning more about themselves and about God. I pray that with every hurt they go through, they grow closer to God and rely more on HIM.

Bloom where you are planted

I have always loved the phrase "bloom where you are planted" from the first time I ever heard/saw it on a little sign in my friend Barb's house. Barb is a Methodist minister's wife. She was a minister's wife 10 years before my husband became a Methodist minister and taught me how to be a minister's wife ....but that's another blog.

Today on the way to work, I saw the coolest tree off to the side of the road. It was a dogwood on its side, blooming like crazy. I can only assume it blew over last May when we had a big wind burst of some kind blow through Salem during the day and downed over 100 trees. It came out of the blue; a beautiful day that turned into a sudden disaster and days and days of cutting up trees and making them into fire wood.

As I saw that tree on its side, roots half out of the ground, blooming beautifully, I thought...."I want to be like that." Even if I've been blown over by a wind that comes out of nowhere, I want to keep on blooming, even if my blooms are laying on the ground beside me.

Life is not near like I thought it would be....
I pictured myself in a little Missouri town, in a little neighborhood, with white pickets fences and 2.5 children. I pictured greeting my husband at the door everyday as he got off at 5pm. Yes, I really was that naive. I had a lot to learn about life.....

I still have a lot to learn, but one thing I think I have learned is that I cannot predict what life will be like. It is much better than I could have imagined. I wish I would have let go of my naive dreams and enjoyed each step more along the way, instead of wishing it was different and mourning what I wished it would have been. Oh, well....(that's one of the phrases I use a lot.)
That and "give up woulda, shoulda, couldas."

I'm still a dreamer and I'm still naive and I still love excitement and change, but I've also learned to enjoy monotonous, boring and normal....

So, no matter where life takes me I still want to bloom my naive head off, like that tree.

The Easter Squall

I love Easter. It is a wonderful time of year..... Spring. It is a wonderful spiritual time of the year....resurrection. I love Easter Lilies, Easter dresses, Easter Cantatas, Easter food, Easter candy....I love it all.
But there is one thing I've noticed that I do not love.....the Easter Squall. I must admit here that I did not coin the phrase. I heard it from a dear friend who heard it from her mother-in-law. I think it describes things perfectly.
According to Webster, or whoever I googled, a squall is a sudden sharp increase in wind speed over a short period of time that can cause sudden rain, thunderstorms, snow storms....storms in general.
I have been in churches all my life. Church is great and I live for worshipping my Lord every Sunday in church. Churches gear up for Easter and Christmas, the 2 holidays when Christians celebrate our Lord. However, all that gearing up; music, practice, programs, flowers, extra services, costumes, etc, can cause the "squalls".
The pressure builds, company coming, the need for lots of food, family celebrations, travel, cute clothes, perfectly dressed children, white gloves, bonnets, smocked dresses, vests, suites for 2 year old boys, early services, Easter eggs, bunnies, hiding things.....argh! SQUALL - A sudden burst of wind and storms.
In my Christian walk, I didn't originally believe in an evil spirit, the devil, satan. However, as I grew in my faith and read the bible, I discovered there is a spirit always around us, wanting to draw us away from the Lord. My faith was really increased once I believed.
This is how I see the Easter squall. What better tool does evil have than to put us into such a holy frenzy over celebrating our Lord that it throws us off celebrating our Lord.
Let us be aware when we are so busy, so crazy, so frantic that is throws off the true meaning of anything that has to do with God.
20 years ago when my husband went into ministry our kids were 2, 4 and 6. Believe me, Easter was never a holy, quiet, spirit-filled holiday. My husband would get up, get ready and leave the house to go to the church to get ready for Sunrise service, leaving me with the kids, the house, the Easter bunny, the candy and usually a houseful of company to get to church by 0'dark:30, usually to sing with a group or solo. Boy are those fun memories!!
Really, they are fun memories now. I choose to remember the good things. And I chose to eat lots of jelly beans.
I still choose to eat lots of jelly beans and choose to have a house full of company. Fortunately, my kids all still come home, and they choose to go to church for Easter. Luckily, now they can dress themselves.
Lord, keep me aware of the "squall" and calm me to keep me focused on YOU!